My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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