You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
