ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
