so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
