im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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