rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
