went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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