don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
