omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
