pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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