I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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