We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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