i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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