remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
