i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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