I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Drunk is not a location!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
