Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
