Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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