Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hippo gnu deer
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
