My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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