The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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