i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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