but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
