Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize