You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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