is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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