Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
