so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
