hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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