Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im holly from the hills drunk
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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