uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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