we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
