Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
