OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I believe in your delicious
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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