You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
