your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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