omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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