Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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