3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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