I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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