Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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