Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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