Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
