Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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