remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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