I just pynch a tree in the face
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
