cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
