Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
