Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
