My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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