Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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