I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
