I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
