hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
