I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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