Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
