So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
