Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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