it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
