Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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