I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
