u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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