I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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