Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
